A Ball of Wax and a Thread of Thought

He stands atop the hill. Broad shouldered, hair trimmed short with bushy eyebrows, and his gaze follows the movement of the trees, the clouds and the people below him. A familiar bark escapes his throat and he carefully heads back toward the house.

At 13 years old, Jake is no longer agile or physically active. His steps, carefully placed with thin legs, find their mark on the trail taking him closer to home. He knows where he needs to go from the shadows he can see through blinding cataracts and the familiar smells ingrained in his memory. Thankfully, smell is a powerful tool for Jake and he arrives at the top of the retaining wall and barks again because he doesn’t see me standing three feet away on his blinder side.

Jumping into my arms, I carry him down the steps to the door and let him in. He hops like he always has and reminds me of bringing him home from a small house in the back woods of Virginia. Kathy needed a best friend after moving from Massachusetts and leaving so many best friends behind. I reluctantly agreed. I have strong memories of pets and since pets have such a short life span, all of them end with a loss.

Binky went out one day and didn’t come back. It wasn’t unusual for her to go “hunting” for a day or two. She was independent, strong, and a good hunter but for me, she didn’t come back and I felt that loss even though I was only five or six years old. Chipper was born the year after I was. For the first 17 years of my life, he was always there. When the pains of old age and tumors on his back were too painful for us to watch him bear, we helped him along on his journey and it took several years for me to even recognize the loss of someone so close to me.

I look at Jake and see his parents. He has all the classic archetype behaviors of a dog and within that, he has all the archetype behaviors of a terrier and within that, he has the archetype behaviors of a Silky Terrier.

Any modifications of these behaviors come from his experiences in his life. Jacob’s modifications off the archetypes probably include the significant events of: coming to us as a puppy, meeting Callie for the first time, the invasion of Dusty and Majik into his daily life, the subsequent loss of Dusty, and the move to Hawaii.

“Set in your ways” is a term usually used to describe reactive results of someone who has become settled in on a standard of behavior that defines them. For Jake, he has become set in his ways and it is evident in the arrival of a kitten to our household named Kaia. He is not changing his behavior with this new entry!

It reminds me of a professor I had of psychology who described life as a ball of wax. When we start, we are warm from the oven, pliable and easily molded, affected by most events. I’ve thought a bit about this. Though the ball of wax is still a ball of wax, it is not lead and it is not gold because we still contain the original archetypes of the wax. As the ball of wax rolls through life, it is altered by the journey and as time goes on, there are dents and bulges from bumping into other balls of wax or just from rolling over pebbles. As the wax cools and ages, it hardens and events impact it less. Bumping into hard objects no longer creates much of a dent.

If we are looking for definition from the outside, “who we are” is often defined by the wax dents we encounter. For me, initially, I was Ken and Ellie’s third kid; or Kenny or Jeanne’s little brother. Later on, I was Kathy Cleary’s husband and not too long after that, Matt/Krista/Tucker’s dad. Sometimes work defines us, too.

From an inside perspective, there is a layer inside the wax that only the biggest bumps or the deepest dents affect. This core includes the capacity to give us confidence but conversely it also contains our deepest weaknesses and fears. When we are young and the outer wax is pliable, this core can be affected by the deeper cuts and dents. As we age, the outer wax is stiffer and harder and our core, good or bad, remains largely unaffected.

I watch the kitten play with a toy. She swats at it and jumps in the air. Her play is serious to her. Some fantasy of catching food exists there as a cat archetype of survival though she is never truly hungry. Jacob rests on the couch and watches what motion of her that he can. Suddenly, he recognizes the sound of a car turning the corner and he perks his ears. Confirms the owner of the car as it climbs the hill and he stretches on the couch. Drawing near the edge of the couch, he stretches a bit and jumps down on his thin and aged legs.

The door downstairs closes and the distinctive sound and treble of Kathy’s footfalls on the stairs increases his excitement. Kathy is home! Kathy is home!

She smiles and greets him the same way every time. “Jacob! Hi baby!” and he jumps up onto his hind legs in greeting. Up and down he goes, the excitement pouring out through a suddenly peppy bark. They’ve been doing this since he was a puppy.

His wax may have hardened and we probably can’t teach him any new tricks but this dog has accumulated wonderful dents in his wax. Better yet, he has created even better dents in our wax.

As I go through the moments of my day, I try to realize that each and every interaction I have may create a dent in someone’s wax. It has made me more careful and more thoughtful, caring and understanding of others and their wax formations.