I'm sorry. Forgive me?

For some, these are very easy words to say. For others, these are very hard to say. In either case, it needs to be sincere or it helps no one.

Sometimes we hurt people. I know that I have hurt people. I don't know anyone who hurts someone on purpose. I'm sure in my high school years there were some. That's just mean and I generally move on from that type of person. Usually when we hurt someone, it is by accident. So what do you do? Someone I know, said to me, "Well, why should I apologize? It was an accident. It's not like I meant to hurt them!"

Does that logic make any sense at all? If you meant to hurt someone, you'd apologize but if you didn't mean to hurt someone, then you wouldn't??

I stood astonished, so blown away that my jaw literally dropped. It got me thinking about apologies.

To my way of thinking, people get their feelings hurt all the time. 

• You hurt them and you meant it.
• You hurt them and you didn't mean it.
• Someone else hurt them and you know about it.  

So, if you hurt someone and meant it, you're a jerk ... get out of my life, please. Well, maybe that is harsh ... you get the opportunity to apologize and change your behavior ... if not, get the hell out of my life. Ok, still too harsh. Find a way to forgive them but think about moving on from their arena of influence.

If you hurt someone and you didn't mean to, then apologize. I know you didn't mean it. I know it was an accident but still someone got hurt because of your action regardless of your intent. As I walk down the hall and step on your foot, I'm going to say I'm sorry and mean it. I certainly didn't mean to step on your foot but still, I can understand your pain. After all, who hasn't gotten their foot stepped on by someone? I can understand the pain and I'm sorry that my action, regardless of intent, caused you pain. I'm sorry. As a bonus, I'll try to be more careful in the future!

If someone is hurt and you weren't the cause ... you can still be empathetic and understanding. Joe stepped on your foot? I'm so sorry that happened to you and I wish it hadn't happened. Yes, it is an apology and one of the nicest ones in the world to hear when no one else will listen. You're boyfriend broke up with you? I'm so sorry! I know that you loved him and it is terrible that he broke your heart.

Giving an apology always includes some risk of getting hurt yourself. You've opened yourself up to someone who is hurting and the potential is high to strike out at someone and inflict pain. It's tough when those arrows are shot your way. I have had a few unfortunate occasions when my apology hasn't been accepted.

• Why don't you look where you are going? If you had, you wouldn't have stepped on my foot!
• Why are you apologizing? You didn't do it and you have no idea how I feel!

It is very uncomfortable when this happens. It's the most obvious example of someone speaking without thinking. This is one area where forgiveness comes in.

Perhaps you hurt them. Now, you've apologized. They have been trained to think that striking back at you will make them feel better. It never does, by the way. So, they strike back at you and hurt you ... intentionally. This is "eye for an eye" mentality. Mahatma Ghandi said "an eye for an eye and the whole world ends up blind."

Do you want to live a more peaceful life? Do you want to be a more happy person? Forgive them. For most of us, when our apology is rejected, now we are hurt. Our initial reaction ... is to strike back also ... and then some. We escalate. Don't strike back. Forgive them instead and let it go ...

Most of us will walk away angry. We'll carry that anger around. We'll let it fester inside. We might even strike out at someone else and get their day going bad ... and we might not even apologize for that anger because the last time we apologized, it was rejected and we got hurt.

Giving an apology is a gift you give to someone. If they don't accept it, forgive them. Even more important, forgive yourself!

If someone hurts you ... if they apologize, accept it and forgive them. If they don't apologize, forgive them anyway. Festering wounds only continue to hurt us. It really doesn't hurt them. Forgiveness cleanses us and allows us to move on. Let the anger go! It is only hurting you and those around you.

As a young man, I carried around a mental list of all the things done wrong to me. All the injustices and all the pains that had occurred to me were in a large and heavy ...  mental bag ...  slung over my shoulder. As time went on, it got heavier and weighed me down. I was hesitant to open up. Really, I was afraid of getting hurt. I rarely gave people who hurt me or offended me a second chance. It made me lonely and unapproachable.

There is no reason to be like this. Anger helps no one. We think that revenge feels good but it isn't a sustainable mode of operation. It easier to be reactionary and angry than it is to be thoughtful and forgiving.

Recently, my sister-in-law Cindy sent a small gift to Kathy but put the wrong address on the package. It ended up a 20 houses up the street. Cindy realized her mistake, found the phone number and called the people who received the package. They had thrown it out. Kathy called also and was told the same thing. When I found out, I boiled with anger. I wanted to make their life miserable. They threw out a package when all they had to do was hang on to it until Kathy picked it up. Instead, they just tossed it in the trash can. In addition, trash pickup was the same day and it was gone. The telephone calls by Cindy and Kathy were met with a gruff and rude response. We were all angry. He owned us. He controlled our emotions. His boorish behavior created anger in us.

I'm happy to say that none of us did anything to his house though eggs tossed from a car was a tempting option. Putting toilet paper all over his trees was another option. We did not just react like some sort of innate and unthinking creature.

It is the gray of winter but the light shines in the window earlier each and every day.Embrace it and learn forgiveness.