Fiction: The Fund

Removed ...

Recently I was fortunate enough for my work to require that I visit our staff in the Philippines. The trip there took me from Bedford, NH to Boston to Dulles to Tokyo to Manila ... over 24 hours of travel. 

The longest leg of the trip had me in United Airlines business class from Dulles to Tokyo. Business class is very nice but for us, they had decided to swap out the original airplane. The fellow next to me was a frequent traveler on this route and bitterly complained ... "These seats and this configuration is the old configuration! This is terrible!"  

I listened sympathetically but did not think all that much about it until take off when my seat decided to recline ... on its own. I sat forward, which was hard to do when the plane's thrust was in full force, and pulled the lever. Nothing happened. It stayed back and I pulled the lever again. Finally, I reached back and grabbed the seatback and pulled hard returning it to the upright position. We leveled off at 35,000 feet and it reclined again slowly until 5 minutes later I was horizontal again. 

So, the longest leg of the trip had me performing sit-ups pulling the seatback of the chair forward for about 16 hours. Ahh the joys of travel!! Someone must have complained as United sent me a form in email and gave me $250 toward a future flight.

With a painful start to this trip, I must say that the rest of it has been painless and the personal side of travelling to the Philippines has been very enjoyable and recommended for anyone thinking of taking on an adventure. Below are some pictures of Manila and Cebu (weekend at a resort). 

I count myself among the very fortunate as I have always have had the most wonderful hosts, guides or whatever you may call them, I call them friends.

There are many "downtowns" in the city of Manila ... this is a view of Edsa from my hotel room.

Traffic is like any city ... only worse! The picture below shows something rare ... cars in only one lane.

Jeepneys look like 1940's Jeeps but they are a very convenient method of local transportation. They are usually very colorful and recently, they seem to have gone with cleaner diesel fuel that helps my eyes.

The area where the office is located ... the building in center has a huge video billboard.

Flowers are abundant.

I constantly see that there is a great divide between the wonderful workmanship and architecture of the wealthy and the make-do of the poor. Below is a picture of a gorgeous staircase in beautiful wood. 

Stunning water garden outside of a spa at the resort in Cebu.

The spa at Cebu.

Crystal clear waters and stunning clouds dotting the sky.

 The resort in Cebu's pristine waters. 

Stunning flowers ...

 I think it was off-season for the resort.

 Peaceful retreat.

 Poorer parts of Cebu, a roadside stand awaits customers while kids play in front.

 Roadside stand doubles as a home with laundry out front.

 Families play in the fields at a locals beach

Tomorrow I head home and hope that my United Airlines seat is better than the trip here. But when I think about it, I'll take any seat and appreciate the life I lead. I can't wait to see Kathy.

Last Days of Limo Driving

There is a wind that comes and claims the heat from my fingertips. It is a thief who does not wait for the dead of night to sneak around. Instead it journeys from afar without regard of light or night. This thief, unafraid of capture and emboldened by a lack of caring, seeks nothing but takes my warmth nonetheless.

Cold and hard concrete laid 30 years earlier remains still despite my stamping feet. My knees and ankles are not fans of concrete and will complain, as they always do, in the upcoming days.  Ibuprofen works wonders but the doctor has warned me about the effects on my stomach. The concrete columns that hold the roadway above is thick and gray with age.  Chunks as large as a suitcase have fallen but repair is unlikely any time soon. I wonder what happens if one drops on my head ending this life of mine. Will my wife get a large settlement? Will the kids go on to Harvard? MIT? Or will the riches of settlement and the lack of a father drive them to drugs and drinking?

The daydream is a thief much like the cold air circling my fingers, the back of my neck and around my toes. The air sucks the heat and the daydream takes the time. I find it fun to daydream. It takes me away and helps me forget that I have been standing in the same spot, stamping my feet, waiting for my passenger for far too long.

Company policy requires that we stand outside the car. Some of the drivers had taken to putting their placards on their window facing the terminal and staying in the car. A few years earlier, a passenger searched throughout the limo waiting area for her ride only to find the driver asleep behind the wheel and the placard with her name on it blowing down the street. A quick rap on his window woke him and though he apologized multiple times, we all now wait outside the car regardless of rain, snow, or cold. Once the plane has landed, we get out of the car, that’s the rule. I’ve been known to not look at the arrival monitor for 10 to 15 minutes at a time just to extend the time in the car.

The fastest anyone I know to get off a plane and to the car is 15 minutes. He ran through the airport with his briefcase flying behind him. It was his son’s birthday and he was desperate to get home before the 5 year old fell asleep.  A hasty trip, completely unplanned the day before, he caught a shuttle to New York in the morning and missed the earlier shuttle on the way back. He dove into the back seat and explained that this would be the first birthday he had missed. I realized that I had been fortunate to not miss many of my kids’ birthdays. I broke every traffic law except parking violation in getting him to his house in record time.

His company paid the fare and he ran into his house forgetting to tip me. That’s just how it is sometimes.

My toes reminded me that my socks and shoes were meant for inside an office. I looked at the green screen monitor for the arrival time. It’s been 25 minutes since the plane landed. Maybe he was in the back of the plane. A bearded man made his way toward me with a small suitcase in tow. Black wool cap covered his balding head and thick black overcoat and grey checked scarf wrapped around his body.

Pointing at the sign, “Hey buddy, that’s me,” he said with a slight Boston accent.

“Great, let me put your luggage in the trunk and we’ll be on our way.”

“Yeah, here you go. I have another piece of luggage to get. They are having some trouble with it.”

“With what?”

“The luggage. I have another bag that I checked on the airplane.” He looked around and nodded toward the terminal. “I’ll be back.”

He walked away briskly. I began waiting again. The concrete supports above my head didn’t fall. Several drivers came and went and I waited in the frigid cold stamping my feet and clapping my hands.

In the warm car, my fingers stung as I gripped the mic and called on the radio back to base. It had been an hour and 20 minutes since the plane landed. That usually meant a no-show. Unfortunately, I had the guys’ small luggage bag in the trunk. I would be late for my next trip. The dispatcher was not happy. His gravelly voice came across the airwaves to the speaker under the dash laced with frustration. There was no one else to drive my last trip. He’d have to call around, have them pick up a car and make my final run.

I stood outside the car. There was one person as cold as me and he approached in his blue and black uniform. Shiny boots rose up to the top of his calves.

“You’ve been here too long. You need to get in your car and drive around,” said one of Massachusetts finest - a state trooper.

“My fare is here, he is just collecting his luggage. Wait …” I paused seeing a gray checked scarf through the window. Not at the baggage claim but at the bar. “He’s at the bar. Damnit!”

“Sounds like an asshole,” the state trooper said without venom. “Go get him. I’ll watch your car.”

He saw me through the window, waved and paid his bill with cash. Turning on my heel, I ran to the state trooper and thanked him.

“Just get the asshole in the car and get fucking moving.”

The asshole walked slowly through the sparse traffic and rolled into the backseat.

“Let’s go,” he said quietly.

“What happened with your luggage?”

“It’s lost I guess.”

I waved to the state trooper and he ignored me. I pulled from the curb and alerted my dispatcher.

We drove in silence. My fingers thawed but my feet didn’t.

“There wasn’t any other piece of luggage, was there?”

“Uh, yeah there was.”

More silence.

He took off his hat and ran a rake of fingers through his sparse black and grey hair, “No, there wasn’t another piece of luggage,” he confessed.

We drove in silence except for the crackle of the dispatcher calling me. No one would be able to pick up my last fare. I accelerated and hit 90 mph on the Mass Pike.

Asshole got out and I handed his small bag to him. He turned and walked to his front door. No tip. No thanks. No nothing.

The dispatcher said if I hustled I just might get the next guy to his plane in time. I didn’t feel like hustling. This part time job wasn’t worth the pain of spending Saturday after Saturday racing from house to airport and back again!

The miles passed under the tires. A large white colonial loomed ahead with two pieces of matching luggage on the front porch. Sand and salt crunched under my feet as I trotted up the walkway.  Bags in hand, the door opened behind me and an older gentleman followed me to the black Lincoln Continental. 

He eased onto the leather and clasped the seat belt quickly. The ride was quiet. No small talk. No questions. No comments.

There it was in front of me. Cold grey concrete greeted me as I knew it would, the same airport terminal from only 3 hours earlier. My feet were still not thawed.

He wouldn’t let me unload his bags, turned and gave me a $10 tip, which is more than twice what was customary.

“You looked like you needed it,” he said calmly and walked away.

I'm sorry. Forgive me?

For some, these are very easy words to say. For others, these are very hard to say. In either case, it needs to be sincere or it helps no one.

Sometimes we hurt people. I know that I have hurt people. I don't know anyone who hurts someone on purpose. I'm sure in my high school years there were some. That's just mean and I generally move on from that type of person. Usually when we hurt someone, it is by accident. So what do you do? Someone I know, said to me, "Well, why should I apologize? It was an accident. It's not like I meant to hurt them!"

Does that logic make any sense at all? If you meant to hurt someone, you'd apologize but if you didn't mean to hurt someone, then you wouldn't??

I stood astonished, so blown away that my jaw literally dropped. It got me thinking about apologies.

To my way of thinking, people get their feelings hurt all the time. 

• You hurt them and you meant it.
• You hurt them and you didn't mean it.
• Someone else hurt them and you know about it.  

So, if you hurt someone and meant it, you're a jerk ... get out of my life, please. Well, maybe that is harsh ... you get the opportunity to apologize and change your behavior ... if not, get the hell out of my life. Ok, still too harsh. Find a way to forgive them but think about moving on from their arena of influence.

If you hurt someone and you didn't mean to, then apologize. I know you didn't mean it. I know it was an accident but still someone got hurt because of your action regardless of your intent. As I walk down the hall and step on your foot, I'm going to say I'm sorry and mean it. I certainly didn't mean to step on your foot but still, I can understand your pain. After all, who hasn't gotten their foot stepped on by someone? I can understand the pain and I'm sorry that my action, regardless of intent, caused you pain. I'm sorry. As a bonus, I'll try to be more careful in the future!

If someone is hurt and you weren't the cause ... you can still be empathetic and understanding. Joe stepped on your foot? I'm so sorry that happened to you and I wish it hadn't happened. Yes, it is an apology and one of the nicest ones in the world to hear when no one else will listen. You're boyfriend broke up with you? I'm so sorry! I know that you loved him and it is terrible that he broke your heart.

Giving an apology always includes some risk of getting hurt yourself. You've opened yourself up to someone who is hurting and the potential is high to strike out at someone and inflict pain. It's tough when those arrows are shot your way. I have had a few unfortunate occasions when my apology hasn't been accepted.

• Why don't you look where you are going? If you had, you wouldn't have stepped on my foot!
• Why are you apologizing? You didn't do it and you have no idea how I feel!

It is very uncomfortable when this happens. It's the most obvious example of someone speaking without thinking. This is one area where forgiveness comes in.

Perhaps you hurt them. Now, you've apologized. They have been trained to think that striking back at you will make them feel better. It never does, by the way. So, they strike back at you and hurt you ... intentionally. This is "eye for an eye" mentality. Mahatma Ghandi said "an eye for an eye and the whole world ends up blind."

Do you want to live a more peaceful life? Do you want to be a more happy person? Forgive them. For most of us, when our apology is rejected, now we are hurt. Our initial reaction ... is to strike back also ... and then some. We escalate. Don't strike back. Forgive them instead and let it go ...

Most of us will walk away angry. We'll carry that anger around. We'll let it fester inside. We might even strike out at someone else and get their day going bad ... and we might not even apologize for that anger because the last time we apologized, it was rejected and we got hurt.

Giving an apology is a gift you give to someone. If they don't accept it, forgive them. Even more important, forgive yourself!

If someone hurts you ... if they apologize, accept it and forgive them. If they don't apologize, forgive them anyway. Festering wounds only continue to hurt us. It really doesn't hurt them. Forgiveness cleanses us and allows us to move on. Let the anger go! It is only hurting you and those around you.

As a young man, I carried around a mental list of all the things done wrong to me. All the injustices and all the pains that had occurred to me were in a large and heavy ...  mental bag ...  slung over my shoulder. As time went on, it got heavier and weighed me down. I was hesitant to open up. Really, I was afraid of getting hurt. I rarely gave people who hurt me or offended me a second chance. It made me lonely and unapproachable.

There is no reason to be like this. Anger helps no one. We think that revenge feels good but it isn't a sustainable mode of operation. It easier to be reactionary and angry than it is to be thoughtful and forgiving.

Recently, my sister-in-law Cindy sent a small gift to Kathy but put the wrong address on the package. It ended up a 20 houses up the street. Cindy realized her mistake, found the phone number and called the people who received the package. They had thrown it out. Kathy called also and was told the same thing. When I found out, I boiled with anger. I wanted to make their life miserable. They threw out a package when all they had to do was hang on to it until Kathy picked it up. Instead, they just tossed it in the trash can. In addition, trash pickup was the same day and it was gone. The telephone calls by Cindy and Kathy were met with a gruff and rude response. We were all angry. He owned us. He controlled our emotions. His boorish behavior created anger in us.

I'm happy to say that none of us did anything to his house though eggs tossed from a car was a tempting option. Putting toilet paper all over his trees was another option. We did not just react like some sort of innate and unthinking creature.

It is the gray of winter but the light shines in the window earlier each and every day.Embrace it and learn forgiveness.