* * * *
A crystal clear spring day greeted me as I hopped off the school bus getting home from Wilmington's North Intermediate school. Another boring day that I frankly slept through and completely forgot about as soon as my foot hit the pavement.
Chipper trotted out as I opened the door to my empty house. Immediately, he ran to the bushes to relieve himself. "Getting older", I thought as I watched him hobble back and slowly amble up the stairs he once flew up. I patted his gray head and he licked my hand and went inside again.
What do to with my afternoon? There was homework but I had lost any memory of schoolwork already. As almost a ritual, I'd remember my homework just before bed. Panic would fill me and I'd rush through each exercise. Maybe I could go outside and mow the lawn ... nope, that wasn't happening. I decided to make a peanut butter sandwich, watch Perry Mason reruns, and rest my 14 year old bones on the couch. I always liked suspense and TV reruns were the best thing to put you in a vegetative state after a long hard day of learning absolutely nothing.
The suspense was intense and my eyelids drooped as Perry was starting to corner the killer. The front door opened and my brother Kenny walked through with his new girlfriend Joanne in tow. Long blonde hair, longer legs, pretty face and a bright smile ... what was she doing with my scruffy brother? I nodded politely and wondered what they were doing there. Slow to think as usual, I realized that Kenny was introducing this babe to "the family."
They got all lovey-dovey and I excused myself to see if I could catch the last moments of Perry Mason.
My butt hit the couch and only a moment or two later I heard my brother tossing his cookies into the toilet. Whaaat? How embarrassing to be praying to the "porcelain god" when you bring your new girlfriend over! This was too good to miss so I bolted out off the couch! There he was kneeling in front of the toilet, hands gripping the toilet seat, and exhausted from retching. I felt my stomach flip so I turned away.
In the living room, I saw the culprit. Chipper had shit on the carpet. Yep, a clump of it had been scooped up by Kenny but more remained. I imagined the Cleary-family-weak-stomach curse took over creating the rush to the toilet for my unfortunate brother.
I looked at Joanne.
She looked at me.
She smiled.
I melted.
Well, I had a small amount of common sense and knew that we couldn't expect my brother's new girlfriend to clean up dog poop from the living room rug.
Growing up, Kenny beat me at everything, gave me unflattering nicknames like "goiter." He taught me "Indian rug burns," and "52 pickup." He provided me the general abuse that epitomizes the essence of brotherly love and I don't mean Philadelphia. Having been the recipient, the abuse was not appreciated! I can admit this now, I thought if I could clean this up ... I would or could or should be treated as an equal member of the family and not the youngest, weakest, smallest squirt of the family.
Kenny was still at the toilet when I grabbed some toilet paper. I sneered at him with a small amount of pity and marched past Joanne to the remaining pile of shit. "Yeah," I said with great bravado, "Kenny has a weak stomach. Let me take care of this." I heard the music from Mighty Mouse, a cartoon that I watched when I was a kid (probably the previous week) ... "Heeeeere I come to save the daaaaaay!"
Leaning over, the first sensation was the smell and it attacked my nasal passages like an anaconda goes after a mouse. The second sensation was my head spinning as I scooped up half of the shit into the toilet paper ... the all-too-thin toilet paper. The third sensation ... warm and wet in my hand ... and I was all done. The Cleary-family-weak-stomach curse had attacked me as well.
I ran with the greatest of speed into the bathroom where Kenny was making an effort to stand. I tossed the clump of shit into the toilet and proceeded to direct my stomach contents into the bathroom sink. Kenny chuckled at me but then seeing the peanut butter sandwich I'd eaten earlier suddenly in the sink, he turned green and returned to his position tossing his cookies into the bowl of shame.
Needless to say, we made a mess in both places.
It took time and determination but I refused to look at him and finally I stopped vomiting. Sheepishly and shaken I went downstairs to the cool basement and fell fast asleep. Kenny, avoiding the smell of the remaining dog shit slinked into the den and found the couch and also fell fast asleep.
I awoke to Mom calling my name for dinner. I had slept so soundly that I had forgotten why I was sleeping! Groggy, I mounted the stairs to the main floor.
Kenny and I walked into the kitchen together and there was Mom and Joanne sitting at the table.
Joanne had cleaned up the dog shit, the toilet and the sink and I thought ... better marry this girl, Kenny!
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