A Ball of Wax and a Thread of Thought

He stands atop the hill. Broad shouldered, hair trimmed short with bushy eyebrows, and his gaze follows the movement of the trees, the clouds and the people below him. A familiar bark escapes his throat and he carefully heads back toward the house.

At 13 years old, Jake is no longer agile or physically active. His steps, carefully placed with thin legs, find their mark on the trail taking him closer to home. He knows where he needs to go from the shadows he can see through blinding cataracts and the familiar smells ingrained in his memory. Thankfully, smell is a powerful tool for Jake and he arrives at the top of the retaining wall and barks again because he doesn’t see me standing three feet away on his blinder side.

Jumping into my arms, I carry him down the steps to the door and let him in. He hops like he always has and reminds me of bringing him home from a small house in the back woods of Virginia. Kathy needed a best friend after moving from Massachusetts and leaving so many best friends behind. I reluctantly agreed. I have strong memories of pets and since pets have such a short life span, all of them end with a loss.

Binky went out one day and didn’t come back. It wasn’t unusual for her to go “hunting” for a day or two. She was independent, strong, and a good hunter but for me, she didn’t come back and I felt that loss even though I was only five or six years old. Chipper was born the year after I was. For the first 17 years of my life, he was always there. When the pains of old age and tumors on his back were too painful for us to watch him bear, we helped him along on his journey and it took several years for me to even recognize the loss of someone so close to me.

I look at Jake and see his parents. He has all the classic archetype behaviors of a dog and within that, he has all the archetype behaviors of a terrier and within that, he has the archetype behaviors of a Silky Terrier.

Any modifications of these behaviors come from his experiences in his life. Jacob’s modifications off the archetypes probably include the significant events of: coming to us as a puppy, meeting Callie for the first time, the invasion of Dusty and Majik into his daily life, the subsequent loss of Dusty, and the move to Hawaii.

“Set in your ways” is a term usually used to describe reactive results of someone who has become settled in on a standard of behavior that defines them. For Jake, he has become set in his ways and it is evident in the arrival of a kitten to our household named Kaia. He is not changing his behavior with this new entry!

It reminds me of a professor I had of psychology who described life as a ball of wax. When we start, we are warm from the oven, pliable and easily molded, affected by most events. I’ve thought a bit about this. Though the ball of wax is still a ball of wax, it is not lead and it is not gold because we still contain the original archetypes of the wax. As the ball of wax rolls through life, it is altered by the journey and as time goes on, there are dents and bulges from bumping into other balls of wax or just from rolling over pebbles. As the wax cools and ages, it hardens and events impact it less. Bumping into hard objects no longer creates much of a dent.

If we are looking for definition from the outside, “who we are” is often defined by the wax dents we encounter. For me, initially, I was Ken and Ellie’s third kid; or Kenny or Jeanne’s little brother. Later on, I was Kathy Cleary’s husband and not too long after that, Matt/Krista/Tucker’s dad. Sometimes work defines us, too.

From an inside perspective, there is a layer inside the wax that only the biggest bumps or the deepest dents affect. This core includes the capacity to give us confidence but conversely it also contains our deepest weaknesses and fears. When we are young and the outer wax is pliable, this core can be affected by the deeper cuts and dents. As we age, the outer wax is stiffer and harder and our core, good or bad, remains largely unaffected.

I watch the kitten play with a toy. She swats at it and jumps in the air. Her play is serious to her. Some fantasy of catching food exists there as a cat archetype of survival though she is never truly hungry. Jacob rests on the couch and watches what motion of her that he can. Suddenly, he recognizes the sound of a car turning the corner and he perks his ears. Confirms the owner of the car as it climbs the hill and he stretches on the couch. Drawing near the edge of the couch, he stretches a bit and jumps down on his thin and aged legs.

The door downstairs closes and the distinctive sound and treble of Kathy’s footfalls on the stairs increases his excitement. Kathy is home! Kathy is home!

She smiles and greets him the same way every time. “Jacob! Hi baby!” and he jumps up onto his hind legs in greeting. Up and down he goes, the excitement pouring out through a suddenly peppy bark. They’ve been doing this since he was a puppy.

His wax may have hardened and we probably can’t teach him any new tricks but this dog has accumulated wonderful dents in his wax. Better yet, he has created even better dents in our wax.

As I go through the moments of my day, I try to realize that each and every interaction I have may create a dent in someone’s wax. It has made me more careful and more thoughtful, caring and understanding of others and their wax formations.

Cats!

Some people just don't like cats. I'm not one of them.

I got thinking about this when I went on a hike up the ridge behind our house. Jake, our dog, was with me and so was Majik (Krista's cat).

My grandmother, Nanny, loved her cats. She had Whiskers, Mitchell, Truman and more. Each had their own special personality and story. When Whiskers arrived, it just so happened that my brother had shaved his face and cut his long hair ... so Whiskers got his name. Of the three cats, Whiskers seemed to rule the roost. He was direct and dominant. If he wanted petting, he came over and you had better pet him or get a tiny scratch for your lack of attention. Truman, was ... well, Truman was cool. He was the jazz player going along to his own tune while still in harmony with the rest of the band. Mitchell, though the biggest cat, was afraid of everything. Mitchell's fur was so thick that you could have made a wig out of one brushing!

Growing up, my sister had a cat named Binky. I don't remember much about her except that she caught a rabbit bigger than herself and dragged it home .... still alive. She had 3 kittens who got the names: Winkin, Blinkin, and Nod. Blinkin and Nod found new homes and we ended up keeping Winkin. Winkin was probably the meanest cat I'd ever encountered and only had a soft spot for Dad. I can imagine that her growing up with us kids made a deep imprint on her personality!

For Kathy and I, we've had our share of cats, too. We started out with Oscar and Felix thus named because of how opposite they were. Oscar was relaxed, handsome and athletic while Felix was particular, peculiar, and a bit clumsy. In those days, Kathy slept on a fold-up couch in a studio apartment. Coming home from work, she wondered where Felix was. She called and called but heard nothing. Finally, she heard a muffled meow from inside the couch. When Kathy left for work, she made the bed and folded it up, the cat remained in the couch ... all day!

Eventually, we had a cat named Penny. She was our first calico cat with browns, white and black colors. She and Benji lived with us in Somerville, MA. I sat on the stoop of our Cameron Ave. apartment and watched as a large Great Dane came up the street. He walked slowly, obviously headed someplace, but alone and without a leash. Penny, a petite cat lay on the sidewalk. Benjie, the biggest cat I've ever seen ran around the back. Cameron Ave. is a wide street. It has room for parking cars on both sides and cars moving in both directions. It is also not a side street. It is one of the main cut-thrus between Mass Ave. and Davis Square. The dog lumbered along, looked up at Penny and she looked at him. She did not get up ... just a head lift. He crossed the street, walked up passed her and then crossed back. Penny put her head back down and fell asleep in the sun. I wondered if they had had a prior encounter of if the dog knew about cats that just don't move from the sidewalk!

Callie was also a Calico cat. She enriched our lives in Bellingham, MA and in Oak Hill, VA. As a youngster, she occasionally caught other animals. Tucker was young and one spring morning, Callie proudly brought a dead mouse to our back door. Tucker saw it and I wasn't sure how he would react. Would he be scarred for life? I used to worry about these things as if I had some sort of control over how the kids would turn out. Ha! You only think you have control! Anyway, we made a game of it and I suggested that Tucker count the things that Callie caught thinking that she might catch 3 or 4 over the summer. It was as if Callie heard me. The challenge was on! 45 dead and not so dead animals later, the summer was finally over and Tucker stopped counting them. Callie caught everything including mice, chipmonks, birds, and even squirrels.

Then there is Majik. She is another breed of creature. Her legend is one of grace, beauty, and sleek athleticism. Although when she is with Krista, she seems to get clumsy! We were looking for a dog and got Dusty, Majik came along with the deal. We were told that she was 6 weeks old and male. A trip to the Vet showed that she was 6 months old and female. She was very small for her age. She came along with the dog and was brought up by Krista. Krista cuddled her, hugged her, and squeezed her and sometimes I feared for the animal's life! Just one of too many times that I have been wrong because a bond was created there that never fails to impress me.

Majik grew up with Jake and Dusty. She would run by the dogs, swat one or the other and they would begin a chase. Generally, Jake would chase Majik and Dusty would chase Jake. After a short while, Majik would jump up on the couch and watch as Jake kept running and Dusty kept chasing. Sometimes, if they slowed down, she would jump back into the fray and get them running again. If the dogs were running around the house barking and chasing each other, you knew that the black cat asleep on top of the couch probably started the ruckus.

Much like Penny, Majik is not one to back down to a dog ... no matter the size. There are many stories of her encounters with dogs. She used to like to go along when Kathy would walk our dogs around our neighborhood in Oak Hill. As the dogs were on the sidewalk, Majik was often walking through the neighbor's front yards. Kathy met a gentleman with a Pointer dog. After the dogs sniffed each other, the Pointer noticed Majik and approached. "You might not want to do that," cautioned Kathy. The man's response still makes me chuckle about misplaced assumptions. "Oh, don't worry! My dog won't hurt your cat."

Kathy responded that she wasn't worried about the cat but by then it was too late. It wasn't a flurry of activity or even fur flying. It was a well placed swipe of the poor Pointer's nose that caused him to run back to his owner with a yelp. Majik sat there and calmly licked her paw.

Majik is a rare cat that when Krista calls her, she comes. Sometimes she even comes when I call her ... sometimes.

So as I headed out of the back yard, I expected her to turn and go back to the house. Up the hill we went through the "pine grove" and out onto the plateau. Majik stayed with Jake and I. Jake's cataract continues to give him depth perception issues and at one point, Majik was actually there helping him climb over the hills and rocks. I was further amazed as we climbed up to the top of the rock overlooking all of Hawaii Kai. She came right along! She sat there looking out over the water, the mountains and the clouds.

It made me wonder what she was looking at ... what she was thinking.

As we headed home, once again, she became Jake's seeing-eye-cat. She led the way and he followed her.

She is a great cat but she is more than that. She is our companion, our friend, and our confidant. She is always there when we need her most. She is a character in our lives who just make this journey so rich, so full, and so worth living.

Enjoy the characters in your life!

with love ... Johnnie-jack

Pictures below!

We head up the ridge ...

Her soft black coat is always clean ...

She stays close to Jake so he can get up the trail ...

Leading Jake

her domain?

Calm in her surroundings ...

Majik at the top!